Songwriting and honesty — my own truth tale-ing

I had high hopes for this blog post, which I am writing one day after arriving home from NERFA, the Northeast Regional Folk Alliance — an inspiring gathering of folk, acoustic, blues, roots, americana and contemporary singer-songwriters and musicians from around the Northeast and Canada.

The trip had been planned for months, including a role as host of an evening-long showcase of talented songwriters and performers in my hotel room in honor of this blog, as well as five showcases with my folk/pop harmony duo, Sweet Bitters. My duo partner, Nina Schmir, and my husband Shannon joined me for the weekend, which fell on my birthday, and everything went just as I had planned — the Songwriting Scene showcase was well-received and Sweet Bitters got some terrific feedback. I took some great video and photos of artists that I especially enjoyed (I still plan to post them, by the way), including the roots duo Beaucoup Blue, Portland, Maine-songwriter Putnam Smith, and my good pal, Mark Allen Berube. I planned on penning a blog post filled with details of tuneful fun at a song-soaked weekend.

Instead, my most prominent thought at the moment is how I wasn’t being honest with anyone that weekend, not even myself. And after becoming mesmerized by the refreshingly candid and honest songs of Ithaca, NY-based Joe Crookston, it occurred to me that I haven’t been honest in my songwriting lately, either.

The truth is that it was incredibly tough to make it through the weekend of NERFA, which traditionally includes super-late-night showcases that mean attendees are up until 3 or 4 in the morning; a two-and-a-half hour journey from my new home in New Jersey each way; and various lugging and lifting of instruments and equipment. It’s a famously tough gig for anyone who heads up to the conference, but so much so for me that I nearly cancelled all of my well-laid plans at the very last minute.

That’s because I’ve struggled mightily with a chronic muscle pain condition for the past five years, and I’ve felt particularly bad over the last couple of months thanks to a host of factors that include some exhausting business travel, the stress of trying to sell our former Brooklyn apartment, and a move to the Garden State. I spent much of the NERFA weekend in moderate to more-than-moderate pain, simply trying to push through until I could make it home, knowing I’d be paying for the over-exertion in the coming days and weeks. I felt envious many of my fellow singer/songwriters’ (seemingly) boundless energy and ability to perform regularly, record endlessly and tour like the traveling troubadour I had hoped to become (at least part-time) before discovering my painful and frustrating limitations.

As I admired the often brutally truthful songs of some of my fellow performers, it occurred to me that I was no longer writing about anything current and real in my world — instead, I was making up stories or harking back to old, tired breakup themes I’d tread many, many times before (in my former brutally honest navel-gazing post-divorce songwriting stage).

But these days I’ve purposely stayed away from writing about themes that truly reflect the issues I’m experiencing right now — the health/pain issues (could anything be more self-absorbed?); the deep intimacy I’ve developed with my husband (too corny); our recent decision not to have children (hardly a historically hit-making theme); or my ever-present preoccupation of late with my road to middle age (Lord, how boring! Who would possibly care?).

But this music-filled weekend, which turned into a complex mixture of laughter and anxiety, pain and passion, friendship and envy, made me realize that I’d really like to explore issues in my songwriting that, while not traditional themes of, say, relationships or heartache, are ultimately about life as I — and, really, all humans — experience it.

Are there any themes in your own life that you feel are “off limits” in your songwriting? That just seem too raw or frightening or personal to tackle? I’d love to hear about them.

And…a fully-fleshed NERFA roundup post is in my near future. Thanks to all that attended or performed in the Songwriting Scene showcase!  :)

I’m ready to press “Publish Post.” Here I go. Right now. [Deep Breath].

Tagged as: acoustic music, folk music, NERFA, songwriting

  • Elisa Peimer

    This is a beautiful post Sharon – thank you. Regarding your hesitancy to write about these things that are happening in your life, remember this – they are most definitely also happening to other people AND there are ways to draw from the emotions you're experiencing about these things to create songs that don't have to be about specifics. Sometimes I like to dip into my emotions without having to get specific. But at the same time, if you write about overcoming pain, fear of mortality, love of one's partner – what themes are more universal than these?

  • Anonymous

    for me, nothing – NOTHING – is off limits in my
    writing. i've been estranged from my family
    for years, and written a hilarious song
    about it. i have bipolar disorder, and have
    written about it. i was abused as a child,
    and have written about it.

    and i have written about a beautiful morning
    with my three dogs snoring on the bed,
    reflecting on how good life can be…

  • cinderkeys

    Sharon, write about the pain. I wouldn't necessarily recommend giving the scientific name of your condition and rhyming it with stuff, but you don't have to pretend it's a metaphor for a breakup or something either. A LOT of people suffer from invisible illnesses (where others can't tell you're sick unless you inform them). There aren't a whole lot of songs out there that describe this facet of their existence. If you write it, you give them a voice.

    Food for thought. :)

  • cinderkeys

    As for my own songwriting taboos …

    Do I shy away from themes that are too raw or frightening? No. From themes that are too personal? No.

    The topics that scare me are the ones that might hurt people who are close to me.

    Sometimes I write about them anyway and deal with the consequences. Sometimes I shy away from them. I have to choose between being an asshole or a coward, and either way, it absolutely sucks.

  • Carl

    Even more to the point … though you may feel selfish writing about your hurts, someone else hurts as bad as you or even worse. And we all need to know we are not alone. I too spent the weekend in pain, ran a showcase, and I know I am not alone in feeling lonely now that I am home. I miss the music coming through the walls, the bass-beat overhead and cameraderie. I even miss (but do not regret leaving behind) the wonderful desserts.

  • Meg

    Sharon, I agree with what everyone says above. I think the best and most beautiful thing about songwriting is that we can use it to connect and relate to each other on deeper levels than we would without it.

    For years I have been trying to write about surviving a violent act while I was in high school and sending the man to prison who committed it. I have not found the words or melody yet, but I am sure I will. Each time I try to address it, I get a little closer to getting to what I want to say about surviving.

    Don't be afraid of not getting it right, or about digging deep inside yourself. Jonatha Brooke once said in an interview that if she weeps while she is writing a song, she is getting it right.

    Sending love your way my friend.

  • Anonymous

    I write about all that stuff. I'm not saying anyone wants to listen to it, but I write about it, and some of those songs are very important to me. Severin and I have had some conversations about the delicate line between honest and "poor me" songwriting. I admit I sometimes write about me and make it about someone else. It makes for a more listenable song and I can be more compassionate with the main character if it's not me. Writers of all kinds have tried the patience of their friends and loved ones since (presumably) "time immemorial" (talk about meaningless phrases)with their characterizations of their relationships made public. But what can you write about if it's not your own life? The acceptable themes of much folkey and pop songwriting after a while can be pretty dull, for all the clever nuance. I heartily support your drive for personal honesty. I keep thinking the result might be losing one audience but gaining another, more gemuttlich one. Greg Troll

  • MAB

    Nothing is off limits. Nothing. This sends some people inward and some people outward and some people all over the place. Just don't mistake therapy for art. Sometimes it's one, sometimes it's the other, and sometimes it's Joni Mitchell. Write whatever you feel like writing about, whether it's totally true, totally made up or somewhere in between. And remember, if something is too close to the bone, metaphor is your best friend.

  • nes

    I write about everything – or, almost everything. But, as I can sometimes be a bit opaque in my lyrics, this serves as a way of hiding a little. I feel that the honesty is still there though, mainly because, I myself know what I'm singing about, even if it comes across to the audience as something else. I know what you mean about dealing with themes that might not seem interesting to others, and there have been times when I've had the same worry when writing. But mostly, If I hide behind the lyrics, it's because sometimes it's too hard for me to share certain things with the audience. So… I have a lot of songs about romantic relationships and heartbreak. Well, the truth is, some of them really are about love or heartbreak, but a few of them are about something else entirely. (And, being my Sweet Bitter partner, you of course know this!) A few of them are about another facet of my life – whether something good or one of my demons, and my method of writing makes them come across as being about a romance. Truthful? To me it is, because I don't always need others to know what I'm referring to, as long as I can sing about the feelings that I need to get out – the feelings that I need to put into words in one way or another.
    And all this isn't to say.. 'hey – just make the songs seem like they're about one thing, when they're really about another!'. It's just to share my way of dealing with those moments when I need to be private, but still want to express. And it helps me.
    :)

  • cinderkeys

    Oh, I've often written some happening as occurring within a romantic relationship. It makes the story a lot more interesting.

    I generally don't tweak details like that to hide the truth, but to make the ideas I'm expressing more interesting. I'm allowed. They're songs, not memoirs. :)